We have Roll Over

I've been told that this should be the happiest time of our lives. Don't get me wrong we are happy, I am happy. But this is rough. We were working on a good 3 hour schedule for a couple of days. It was becoming habit. Then all of a sudden here we are and every hour baby is up. And not just a little cry here and there but screaming like she's being poisoned. Gas maybe? Doesn't like the formula? Not swaddled tight enough? Too tight? To hot? To cold? Needs a diaper change? Indigestion? Reflux? Believe me I continue to ask myself all of these questions. She is consolable. If you pick her up, pat her back, rock her or let her sleep on you. So since we are just trying to survive that's what we do. Anything to help her not to cry. Her cries pierce my heart. I'll do anything to take away her pain, her sadness.
Due in part to the lack of sleep, I am feeling quite out of sorts. I am sad, stressed, I worry all the time, I watch the video mointer just to make sure she's ok, I can't sleep, I'm nervous, when I do sleep I wake up with a start not knowing how long I've been down and if she's not crying I put my hand on her to feel her breathe. Yep I've lost it.
But the other 50% of me is so happy. I stare at her all the time. Taking in her beauty, her "smiles", just waiting to see her dimple, hoping to catch a glimpse of a personality. I dream about her future and what she will be like. I take in her scent and kiss her all the time, even when she is screaming. I want her to feel all of my love all of the time.
I've been thrown up on, had to clean poop off my hand, peed on, and my neck and nose have been gnawed on. And I love it.
Today, tonight Emery was laying in her crib and her Father watched as she "rolled" over onto her stomach for the first time. Nearly 3 weeks old. She is one special little girl!