Frozen pizza and Nothing to freeze

That's right. I had one of those frozen pizzas for breakfast. It was good, but now I am feeling a little sick to the tummy.
How I've been feeling. Maybe in the future it will show me (if I have a baby) what I was feeling early on!
So yesterday...I felt fine, just tired..I am sure it was from a lack of sleep and so much going on during the day. I had some sharp pains down in my abdomen on both sides, but nothing that knocked me down, yet enough for me to groan from time to time.
Today, woke up with a small sinus headache, little phlegmy feeling and once I ate the pizza a little nauseous feeling.
Most exciting thing that happened so far is that we got our Iteniry for our upcoming trip to Mexico. Whoo hoo. I think I need to shop for a few things before we leave. The resort looks incrediablely beautiful. I cant wait to leave.
The clinic just called and on Day 6 nothing to freeze. None of those beautiful embroys made it to the freezer point. So this is it. This is our shot.
Please babies...stick and grow.

PUPO

Thats our babies!
Yep thats right ... I am pregnant until proven otherwise (PUPO). Two blastocysts grading A and B were transfered to my womb just about two hours ago.
Come on babies stick stick stick!

Morning of ET and having to Pee

Its early. As most people know I am not a morning person. I woke up at about 5:15AM and cannot go back to sleep, but cannot seem to wake up completely. I am still in bed. I have to be up and outta here by 6:20AM to make my 6:45AM appointment. I really am trying to make myself move. Glad I took a late night bath so I could stay in bed this morning. After this, when I come home, I am sure I will fall asleep. I bet if I turned on soccer I would pass out and dream about bees attacking me again.
I tried to fight the urge to purge (aka tinkle, pe-pe, go to da potty) since they say I need a partially full bladder this morning. It didn't work. Just thinking about it made me have to go bad! So I let it loose. I tried to stop it. Didn't work. So I am slowly drinking water for the next hour. I am sure my bladder will be close to where it needs to be when I get there. I seem to have a small one and cannot control the tinkle very well. Must have been all those bladder infections over the years.
I am visualizing those beautiful little blastocysts floating around in my body and sticking hard hard (yeah I said it, hard hard NOLA slang as in I love you hard hard) to me. Implant yourself into my body babies. We've wanted you for so long and are ready to take this pregnancy ride!
Dear Lord, I just thank you for everything you have given me. I ask that you be there to guide the Dr's and me today and those little babies that you breathed life into. May your will be done today. Amen

I just saw this

Thought it would be great to know this...
This is what happens in a 5day transfer :
0dpt (days past transfer)... Embryo is now a blastocyst (Tues 06/29)
1dpt...Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day (wed 06/30)
2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining (thur 07/01)
3dpt.. Implantation begins, as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining (fri 07/02)
4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining (Sat 07/03)
5dpt.. Morula is completely implanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells (sun 07/04)
6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood (mon 07/05)
7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops (tues 07/06)
8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops (wed 07/07)
9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT (thur 07/08, do I dare test on a Pee stick? Or wait it out for the Dr. bloodwork?)

And when the blood work comes back ... http://www.betabase.info/ Beta numbers~

The day before

Tomorrow is the big day...Our little morulas will be Blastocyst and they will be put into me. I will actually sort of be pregnant! No longer zygotes...they should be 16-24 cells in the morning. I am trying to keep a positive mental image but not get my hopes too high. 6:45AM we will be at Dr. BabyMaker's office and by 7:45AM those little babies should be back where they belong. Then they can start growing and stick. Come on babies stick and stick hard!
I am not sure what to expect as far as pain goes. From what I read its not suppose to be so bad. Though I can't help but think back to our first IUI when I wasn't ovulating and the Dr. shoved that tube in and wow, that was pretty horrible.
After more than two years of taking my temperature, checking my cervix, watching fluids, planning baby making time, peeing on sticks, taking oral medication, Dr. visits, blood tests, other medical testing, 5 IUIs, Mr's solider testing, pains and lots of expense...this could be actually it! Ahhh...ok ommmmmm...time to chill-lax and just thinking positive. This is going to work. I am going to have a beautiful baby *or two*! If not it is God's will and I know there is some sort of plan, sometimes I just wish he'd let me in on it!
Once the Transfer is done, off to bed with me...for quite a while. Only pee breaks allowed. I have movies and books and food and computer. You may see lots of rambling boring blogs, Words for the bed, but its ok...you like me anyway.

Cells, fragmentation and uneven-ness

The ARTS center just called and informed us of our darling little zygotes (soon to be morulas) are doing wonderful. We have 4 excellent zygotes (all even with no fragmentation and each at 8 cells), 5 good (all slightly uneven, with little fragmentation and 8 cells each) and 2 average (1 at 8 calls uneven and fragmented, the other our little runt is at 5 cells but even with little fragmentation).
So we are still the proud owners of 11 possibilities!
The transfer will be on Tuesday 06/29/2010 at 7:45AM...with or without Daddy at this point, since Mr will be out of town for work and doesn't know if his flight can be changed to accommodate the early morning transfer time. Please God, let this work out. I'd really like him to be there!
So off to call the family and give them the news!
Oh and the progesterone is something new....its gross and makes me tired right now. But I am guessing that will go away soon.

Day 1 after retrieval

Yesterday we got the news, while I was all kinda messed up on those awesome drugs, that we had 15 eggs retrieved. Good chicken!
So of those 15 eggs we were just told that 11 fertilized! That's right we are currently the proud owners of 11 fertilized eggs. Can you believe it? While I was on the phone with "Michael" (say it like the girls in Grease II when Michael was the one on the motorcycle and if you haven't seen this movie it is a MUST!) he says to me "so things look great. of the 15 eggs, 11 fertilized. We are looking at a day 5 transfer not a day 3 because there are just too many good looking ones right now"! WHAT?? I hatched good looking eggs? Me? Oh my gosh.
Ommmmmm...ok not trying to get my hopes up to high here now, still days to go to get those back inside me and then see if they attached and all that jazz. So I must "simmer down now"!
I am feeling a little interiorly (is this a word?) bruised or sore and I am still a bit tired. I am guessing this is just all post op from yesterday.
Time to catch up on some guilty pleasure TV shows..you know BRAVO, E, TLC, and so much more. I am such a TV junkie. Thank you ATT Uverse for the best DVR ever!
Just waiting on the Mr. to call me so I can tell him the good news...don't you feel lucky...you got the news before him!

Lucky Number 15

Short blog. I am out of the ARTS section of the hospital now. I of course went crazy with fear and cried a bit this morning and it was I am sure all nerves. The initial prick of the numbing meds for the IV stung a bit, but at least it didn't hurt like heck when she put in the IV. Dr. Go to sleep came in and gave me the meds and once I got all loopy apparently all I talked about was Mr.'s company. Goodness I am a dork.
So I went to sleep and woke up asking questions. Like questions that don't matter, will it be ok to go on vacation in two months and stupid things. Not even questioning how many eggs. Dr. BabyMaker said, well we got 15 eggs. 15 eggs...yep you heard right.
I am at home. Dealing with slight grogginess and some light cramping. And awaiting tomorrows phone call to tell us how many eggs were fertilized by Mr's soldiers! Come on eggs everyone of you, get fertilized! I'd like to hear that all 15 are fertilized!

Waking up is hard to do

Tomorrow is the big day. Retrival day! Hoping that the 15 follies have 15 fully mature eggs in them. But most of hoping I wake up. After not being put under for many many many years, my fear is the IV needle and the waking up part.
Feeling twinges and twingles down in my egg sack area. Like a chicken I am about to lay my eggs so they can be fertlized!
I am typing this on my phone tonght so ignore the typos!
So in the AM we will be up and outta the house by 6AM. Procedure starts around 6:30 AM and expect to be in hosptial for 3 hours.
The anastesiologist called tonight to talk me thru what's going to happen and then told me how he prays each morning. He said if you believe in that..I was all like heck yeah we like and believe in prayer! Pray for us and he said he would.
I will try to update tomorrow when I feel up to it!
Come on eggs we need lots and some A pluses in there. For once I'd like a part of me to get a 4.0!!!

how do you live with no Air..air..air...

Last Wed we came home to a broken AC. Lovely in not only 100 degree Dallas weather but also we had five of my family members coming into town. Warranty company is so not fun. At one point we were told we'd have to wait 48 hours before anyone would even come look at it. But the Darling Mr. worked it out by telling them all about my wonderful daily set of shots and the medical necessity of needing AC to make a baby. Though it took 6 days we eventually today got the AC. During this time we had small window AC units we bought and spent alot of time out the house with the family. And they were all good sports about it. I know it was pretty hot in the rooms, I feel for them. But I did spend alot of time with them and now that they are all gone I miss them tons! Three cousins and my brother and his wife. I think everyone ended up with nicknames over the course of the weekend and there was a lot of talk about What What in the Butt! You Tube it, you'll get a laugh.
So during the turbulent times with no AC there was alot the daily three doses of shots. Which as the days have gone on and the areas have gotten tender, have gotten to be very not so great to have injected into me. But we did it, we prevailed, and now today I was told we have 15 follicles all about 17-18 mm and so tonight we Trigger! That last shot didn't hurt so bad, I think it was just knowing it was the last one that made it easier.
I can't say the same for my poor veins in my arms. All this blood work has left me black and blue.
So Thursday is the first of two big days. 06/24 Retrieval day. Its when I will actually finally hatch! I will be put under early around 6:30AM and a long needle will go "up in there" and extract all the eggs they can find and get out. It seems pretty cool, too bad I'll be asleep I think I'd like to watch it, without feeling any pain ya know? Then bed rest for a few days, whoop whoop!
Next big day will be likely Tuesday noonish. They will put our beautiful little embryos back inside and hopefully my body will give them a nice little home to attach too.
Yes I am nervous, not just about being put under, the pain but mostly will it work? Will we finally be parents?
So here it is...just one short week, then two weeks of waiting to know...

Bugs and Vampires

8:15AM at a Dr's office is just too early. No coffee, not awake and so not ready to be alien probed and vein punctured. But I did it. So far so good. The prober found 14 follicles 7 on each side (whoo hoo no under achieving ovaries on this body this month!). The biggest are measuring 8.5mm. They have to be about 20mm before the trigger shot and then 30 hours later the retrieval.
While he's all up in my junk I just kept thinking, please let ther be about 20 follies. 14 though ain't so bad! The prober said that more will probably pop up sometime soon. Come on Egg Holders, make them eggs.
On the other side, I am feeling lots of twinges and pains down the Ovary section. OH and did I mention...I am FAT..bloated. Pants don't feel right. So onto dresses everyday. Me in dresses? Yes strange site I know...but it tis what it tis for now.
After being probed and lubed on to Nurse Vampire, just a little stick my ass. They she proceeds to laugh as she jokes about how my arms are going to be bruised from all the vienpunctures she will be doing over the next week or so. Come on eggs grow fast! Less blood drawn.
Everything is looking good so far.
As for the bugs. Mr says last night, as we are grilling for the first time on our super duper new grill and sitting on our new patio furniture under our new glorious patio, "we hardly have any bugs out here". Oh really I say while swatting bugs out my eyes and killing em with my bare hands! I must be a bug magnet. He never gets bites, while I have hundreds of them. So now I am thinking we need a bug zapper.
Haven't heard form the Dr's office on my blood work results. Guess they are ok then. I'd like to know more though. But I go back to them on Friday, I'll ask then.
Protocol is same as we've been doing tonight and tomorrow night. 1 ML Menupor, 225 Follistim, 0.05 Lupron, 1000 mg Metfomin and PreNatal vitamins.
Fun times.

Design star and the burn

I was watching the new Design Star season on tv and man I wish I could come up with rooms like them. I have the vision it's the execution that I have a hard time with! Oh wait that's not it, as Nelly says "hey must be the money"! I bet if I had the money it wouldn't be so hard. Mostly it's the window coverings and color splashes. I like earth tones, you know greens and browns and sky blues. Very peaceful. Mostly we have brown. I think it's cause it's easy!
After searching for a couch for months I finally found one I liked. Little did I know the dog would tear it up quickly. Not the right material. So onto Craigslist it goes...next project is a new couch set. Can someone send HGTV to my house to do it for me?
So for the IVF update. This Menopur burns like the hell! I cried the first time. Even though Mr. says I am brave. I think I am a big baby. I have to close my eyes and bite my hand in order not to scream and cry hard. So three shots "in the belly" (say it like the guy from Austin Powers) are going ok. Mr. is getting better and faster each night. The headaches haven't gone away even though Nurse Smilesalot said they might. Guess I am just sensitive to the Lupron. Suck it and move on. I should totally take stock on Excedrine, I think I am making their stock go sky high!
Last night I made something similar to one of my favorite Aunts recipie for an Italian dish called cavatinni (who knows if I am spelling it right or even making it correctly) but dang it was good!

Team USA and three shots a day

Ok so Mr. Is officially a soccer fan now. And while I like sports enough to occassional watch them on TV and go to a game here or there, I am not one to spend all my time obbsessing over sports games, players and stats! But here we go another sport for him to watch which means more time spent in another room. Oh well as long as he's happy. And go team USA. I won't go into a rant about how I think England should lose just because of the BP oil spill or leak...let's just say I'm really peeved about that right now an still!
Onto the Dr BabyMaker visit. Blood work cameback that I was shut down, who knew right? And sonogram (praise the Lord!) showed no cysts and 11 follicles, about an even amount in each overy! Yay yay good body keep up the perfect work!
Dr.BM says onto three shots a day starting today. So 1dose Menupur, 225 cc Follistim, and .05 of Lupron. Add that onto prenatal vitimans and 1000 mg of Metformin and I guess you could say I'm into drugs.
If you could see our dresser in our master bedroom you'd laugh or cry with us. It looks like a pharamacy. There is all the meds, needles, wipes, boxes, instructions, sharps containers and pills I have to take. Perfect little set up to stay on schedule and keep it organized.
Still have the headaches but Nurse smiles alot says lowering the Lupron should make them go away a bit and then once we stop that med they should just go away.
So yay for the egg sacks, yay for the future eggs and yay for the USA.
Oh wait...so I've been thinking that when I do get pregnant that I want to call the baby a doodlebug..i've always loved doodlebugs...well right before my sonogram, you'll never believe this but, I was in the bathroom and there was a doodlebug in the bathroom with me. I sure hope it was a sign!
Ok back to watching FIFA World Cup 2010 USA v England...

I'm Dreaming of Pretty Overaires....

11 AM and into having the alien probe done. Checking on the egg holders. Dearest Lord, please let them be all pretty and small with no signs of cysts or swelling. Please let my blood work from yesterday show a low FSH (perfer to see a 7 for some reason) and low estridol!
Come on body work work work.

Excedrine and Vampires

Today was my baseline bloodwork. So I get it and drive my happy (sacasam) butt early in the Am (see not a morning person) to the Dr's office. I walk in hoping you know for once they'd be all let's talk before we suck out your blood. No such luck. Nurse SmilesALot says "just a little prick". Wholly gwackamolie! I now know what a vampire tooth feels like when it sucks out your blood. After that she's goes ok see ya tomorrow. What no kiss, hug or how about a just sit here a sec? Goodness! I ask her about the pesky Lupron headaches and if Excedrine is ok. Yep she says. We will tell you a few days before to stop taking it if asprin would be a problem. Oh thank you. Cause I am currently addicited to Excedrine. Anything to make my head not pound and explode!
I pay my co pay for a two min office outside chair visit and head on into work.
Where I should be under as little stress as possible right now. Yeah baby fat chance in that happening! We've got double the work and half the peeps!
Oh well another day another dollar. Hopefully the extra files will give. A nice bonus that can go to paying this IVF off sooner rather than later.
Only 6 more days and my cousins will be here for a visit, then couple of weeks later my Mom and then my Brother. Now if I could get my Dad and Granny here I'd be in heven!

To think is to hurt my brain

There are random moments when I just wonder if all this medication, pain, stress is worth it. Am I putting to much of a strain on my relationship with my husband, friends, family? Some times it feels as though all I can think about and talk about is this making a baby. It rules my life. At least when we were just "trying" we could be happy and fun. Now I have to plan to be happy and fun. Iknow in the end and after having a baby I will say it's all worth it. After all you'd give anything for your child right? What's two years of planned sex, temping, checking blood, checking out your cervix, your fluids, lying on your back or head, medication, shots, sonograms, and all the other crazy things I've done? I did it all just to have this baby.
But for the life of me I am sitting here wondering, with a pounding headache..will I even be a good mother? What if this doesn't work?
Ahh nervous nelly creeps back in. I think I just need another good nights sleep and a day without head pain.

The Headache from who knows where

Yesterday around 3 PM I got one of those slight headaches that comes with the Lupron. As the day progressed it just kept getting worse and worse. By the time dinner came along I didn't even want to eat. It literally felt like my brain was going to ooze out my ears.
All I wanted to do was go to sleep and when I finally did, I barely slept. It was crazy. My head just pounded all night.
Oh wait did I mention it was also the worst shot too...hurt so bad.
Just when I though I was going to die, I feel asleep and had some strange dreams about living in a different reality realm and guns and people getting shot and candy. Strange right?
Woke up this morning and it was still there.
Well onto the weekend.

Is it the drugs or me?

So I am on day 6 of the Lupron shots. Afternoon headaches...check, mood swings and anger...check, hunger at all hours...check, dreading the thought of daily shots...Double CHECK!
All of this is going to be worth it in the end when we have a baby of our own. I just keep biting my hand (yes I bite my hand when the Mr. is injecting me) and moaning in pain for us to have this baby. Of course all of this goes along with the praying, the begging, the crying and the depression. I am trying my very best to keep up beat. We keep planing trips, planing fun times, going out with friends, laughing and trying not to let my mood swings anger either of us. (Thank you God for such a wonderful Husband, he really is great through all of this).
As for the anger part, man I'd like to say I like this, I feel like a tough girl all of a sudden. But I really don't. I don't like the feeling of wanting to hit or yell at everyone all the time. I really wish this part would go away.
I called Dr. BabyMaker's office today because I couldn't remember if I was suppose to call when I started my cycle or not. Nurse says, no no you are fine just come see us in 10 days. Its weird ya know...not seeing them every few days. I know we will get back to that again, but I feel like I am left in a waiting room for an appointment that was suppose to happen hours ago...forgotten about.
All I can think about is, will this work? Can this work? Will this finally be our turn? Can I suddenly be like the rest of my friends and be happy again? Will a baby actually come out of this? Is this all worth it?
Still knowing (me, the ye of little faith) that faith as small as a mustard see can move mountains.
I am trying hard hard to have faith bigger than that mustard seed, trying to see the positives in everything and most of all trying to love a body that just won't cooperate.
Come on body, prepare for the impending egg growth, hatching and incubating.