Closet from HELL and Worst Mother in the World

Today I finally decided to tackle the (dah dah dahhhhh) "closet from hell"! Now let me start by saying, I am not a horder, I do not like a mess, I am very organized, everything has its place in our home. And now...this closet has been our Catch All for years. It's in the guest room and we just put stuff in there and close it. And since my near death experience in the attic I am no longer allowed up there, so I just put it in the closet until the Mr. can get it in the attic. Then I forget about it! Ahhh! So here is the before (please don't scream and don't send the show Hoarders to my home).

Oh my Gawd! What the heck...how will I ever get through this??? I even thought about closing the door and running to the nearest outlet mall with a friend just to avoid it! But I didn't and I cleaned and organized it. It took two hours. And I found stuff that could go in boxes and go in the attic (which is now in my garage packed up all nice and neat for the Mr. to get to it this weekend, while he organizes the attic before I freak out because it's a MESS! So while I was doing the organization of the now wonderful closet where Guests can actually hang their clothes, my Darling little daughter decided it was time to stink up her diaper. But I didn't realize she did it while I was buried under years of who knows what and tissue paper. So finally when I was done I found her (under a pile of blankets and pillows ... NOT REALLY people, but behind it!) and that's when I realized she was STINKY! Oh no..so I rush to change her, and so now I am guessing by the blood curdling screams and red rear end that it's been there a while and given her Diaper Rash! It was like a horror movie. I was crying, she was screaming and the red was blaring at me. I had just become the Worst Mother In the World! I allowed my child to sit in her nastiness and get a rash. I feel awful. So after I washed her down and slathered diaper rash cream all over and holding her and crying with her, I finally gathered myself and her and kept apologizing and put her down for a nap. She must have tired herself out, cause BAMN! She was out like a light! And now my closet it clean so I will never miss my daughter's stinkyness again.

To the left is all our blankets and pillows and to the right is all the gift wrapping, up top is Misc and games. It's wonderful! I have two HUGE bags of trash and lots of stuff to give to the local charity place. So I feel a little better and I have stopped crying. Now I want to clean something else...well maybe I should eat and go shopping first!

Peanut Butter

(time to clean the floor for the second time today) Slowly we are transiting over to organic and whole foods. The reason I want to do this is because I want to try and get rid of some of the bad stuff we eat. With that being said, not all organic food is good for you. Case in point, I LOVE Pirates Booty like can eat a whole bag of it. Yes it’s organic, yes it’s better than chips...but no eating a whole bag at one sitting is NOT good for you, even though it taste like heaven. So we are starting...milk (check), peanut butter (check)...wait peanut butter? So for two years I've been buying Jiff Simply. Because it has like 5 ingredients and no hyped up (its still good for you?) corn syrup (I don't believe it’s good for you). I thought I was doing well, UNTIL I did some reading. Nope, still has sugar and salt in it and if you are eating a jar of it every two weeks, probably not the best for your baby. So this week we finished off the Jiff jar and had organic roasted peanuts ground up into a creamy peanut "butter". No salt, no sugar, no honey...NOTHING, just yummy roasted peanuts. It's DELISHOUS! Wow who knew peanut butter could taste this Pea-nutty? Even the dog is begging for more. And now that I have an awesome bread machine (thank you to my AMAZING brother) I am making my own homemade bread. After we finish with the flours we have in the cabinet I will go to organic whole wheat (we LOVE whole wheat bread and I got a great 5 ingredient recipe that is AMAZING). So there you have it. The house that is slowly in transition to better eating! Now if only I could learn to like more fruits and vegetables.

Teething...URGH!

(Not the best pic of her teeth, but she wouldn't let me get inside her mouth with my camera! LOL!)
Emery started getting teeth at 9 months. They came in Top Two Central Incisors, then bottom two central incisors. Then Top two lateral incisors. And that's been it till this month. Now recently we had to go to the Dentist because the Pedi didn't like the way the bottom two central incisors were small. But Dentist said don't worry, small baby small teeth, not a big deal. Fast forward to last night. I see a new tooth so I stick my finger around in her Mouth..she does not like me at all at this point. Her top right FIRST Molar is coming in and her bottom Right FIRST molar is popping through. I can feel the other two opposites First molars under the gums.
So basically she has missed the bottom lateral incisors and the Cuspids. I think Isn't this weird? Can it be "normal"? Should I call Dentist? Should I be worried?
All the charts I see don't show this (until I came across the one from the ADA)...but I have read about Cross cutting? And them growing out of order. So its not usual!Whew.
However Emery has been the cranky, drooling and crying baby that we don't see very often. No wonder yesterday she sucked on a piece of ice! Poor baby!

Sadness for our lost miracle.

It seems like yesterday we found out that "surprise" we were pregnant with a miracle baby. After everything we went through to have our Emery, who is an IVF baby and being told our chances of ever getting pregnant on our own was less than 2%, we did it, without trying. My DH and I were so surprised and in shock when we found out. It took a while to get use to the idea of having another baby. My due date was May 5th, but my Dr scheduled my c section for April 24, 2012. Which is tomorrow. Everything was going great. I was very sick for our new miracle and was put on medication to keep the sickness at bay, just so I could function and take care of Emery. We were just starting to get things organized for changing the guest room to a baby's room and had only the week before look at bedding and new furniture.
Two weeks before my Perinatologist apt, my OB did a scan and said we would would probally be having another girl. My hubby while disapointed about not having a boy, was still happy to be having another baby, a girl. We started looking at names. And I thought possibly we would get confirmation at the Perin. apt.
I was 17 almost 18 weeks along when I went to the Peri. apt. It was just me and our Emery. I thought nothing would be wrong, we would just see everything. I mean I was just at the OB two weeks before and everything looked perfect as far as she could tell. That's when I found out that my Darling Miracle Daughter was no longer with us.
I have been in a foul mood for the past week and now the sadness is creaping up. I want to scream and cry for the loss of our little girl. I want to hold her in my arms. I want to love her as much as a Mother can love her child. I want to smell her and tell her that I love her so much. I want to know why it happened, what happened. I want to know she didn't suffer and that she felt my love. I pray to God that she is in heaven and loved by family members who are holding her until I can get there to be with her. I talk to her in my prayers. I don't know if I will ever get pregnant again, or even if I want to be pregnant again. I am so scared it will happen again and I don't know if I could make it through another time.
Happy "Birth"day Kristen Frances. Mommy would have loved you so much.

What happened to Eating?

(She does eat Ice Cream if offered)
Miss Emery goes through periods of eating anything you offer her to eating near to nothing at all. It's totally freaking me out. One day she will love carrots and then the next she is hurling them across the room or squishing them and offering them to the dog. She barely eats any meats, but will suck down some shrimp like its going out of style. For months she adored veggies, then all of a sudden you would have thought we were offering her bits of dirt.
Recently she started liking those pouches of baby food that has the fruit and veggie puree in them but you can let them suck the stuff out like a straw. I've been getting the organic ones with the thinking that at least if she isn't eating it at meal times she is getting in the nutrition. Seems to be working and Miss Priss is getting a small Budda Belly!
This morning after breakfast I was looking at her plate and the floor and wondered if she even ate anything besides the wholewheat waffle with peanut butter on it? I mean there is still most of the banana left and pieces of her mango. The mango that just last night at dinner she was signing MORE MORE MORE over and over for more of it.
Sometimes it gets very frustrating to make sure she is getting in what she needs and I and her Dad are not allowing her to have junk or establish bad eating habits. One of the main reasons is that I am the world's pickiest eater. Seriously, I eat 1 fruit (apples and only certian kinds) and very few vegetables (maybe like 5). However strangely enough I do eat sushi, crawfish and some other "weird" food. I have texture and taste sensitivity issues. And if I don't like something (I will try it) but I won't try it again, then I won't eat it, ever. I eat lots of junk style food because I have to eat and sometimes its the only thing I like. I will also go days where there is only one food that I like and want to eat. Oddly enough I am still very healthy and slim. I have no closterol issues, a happy heart and no sinus issues. Anyway...I really want Em to eat good food and I enjoy cooking and buying good stuff for her and her Daddy who will eat anything!
So we keep trying, anytime I can get her to eat something new I will feed it to her until she doesn't want it anymore. But I keep trying, I keep offering, hoping and praying that one day she will want what she loved once before!

Have you seen her Butt?

It's the cutest in the world!

St-St-Standing?

(Here's a KISS for you)
Today Miss Priss stood by herself on the grass for like at least 30 seconds. I was holding her hands and let go and she stood! Then she fell to her bottom. But hey she did it and it was great...but hasn't happened again today.
Also the other day at the Store she drank from a straw out of a cup. Which is big for us. Typically she pulls the straw out and wants you to baby bird "feed" her the drink from the other end of the straw. Or she pulls out the straw and plays with it and then throws it on the ground, leaving Mommy with no straw for her drink. We will keep working with this and hope to get that down pat pretty soon.
And bottles are GONE! That's right you heard me. We are working on day 5 of no bottles. In fact I am so confident that we don't need them anymore I packed them in a box and put them in the guest room. No attic yet for them, just in case of crazy meltdown.
We are moving and shaking around here.
Now if I could just get up the energy to tackle the guest room closet of "hell". That would be great. If you are staying with us, I give you fair warning. DO NOT OPEN YOUR CLOSET! If you do you will be under a pile of rubble that consists of old baby clothes, decorations, hangers, gift packaging, boxes, blankets, sheets and whatever else I have stashed in there because I am not allowed to go in the attic alone again, EVER!

Dear Clothing Manufactures

Dear Clothing Manufactures and designers:

Hello, I am a Mother and in my 30s. I am a size 2/4. I do not want to dress like a teenager. Just because I am a smaller size doesn't mean that I am 15. I have my body image issues just like everyone else. Please offer skirts that go down to my knees and don't hug my "jelly" thighs. Give me a shirt with sleeves to hide my chicken wings. If you are going to offer me a Maxi dress, then line it or have it not see through with a mini skirt under it. Also things with speghetti straps and sleeveless...do you really think I have time to shave my pits everyday or that I want my child to pull down my top because I don't have any support up there? And yes its 80 degrees outside..but I am cold indoors where there is AC!
And swimsuits. Why do ladies who are in the size of the Womans department get the bathing suits I am looking for??? I am a Mother who has a toddler who wants to swim and still look at least a little modest. I don't want to show my stomach off (hint, just had a baby and don't have a six pack), I certianly don't want to have to shave my Whoo-Haa everyday and show off my strech marks on my thighs...speaking of things, didn't I mention they jiggle still. My thighs, knees and calf all are one now and I certianly do not care about tan lines anymore. Shoot I am lucky I get to get out in the sun and swim. I want support my ta-tas and a chance to not have my top pulled down by my child when she is grabbing for support too! I want a nice set of support straps, a full one piece (no cut outs) and a skirt or shorts...but I want it all in one piece..you know something I can throw on and go!
Please for the love of everything good. Open up a line where you cater to people like me. Or better yet Ladies of all shapes and sizes that want to still cover their body nicely but have fashion forward clothing, or at least fashionable clothing.
Thanks...a Mom who still wears jeans and tees and tennis shoes because that's all I can find.

13 months and no more steps!

Emery turned 13 months yesterday and since that one step she hasn't walked on her own since. But she is allowing us to help her walk using our fingers and helping her hold on. Her eating is off and on, somedays it will be all fruit, others just veggies then a day or two you can get her to eat some meat. This weekends favorite was BACON! Her Daddy is so proud. She still won't climb up her slide the right way, but has learned to push her Princess car forward while sitting on it the right way.
On Friday Emery got a new toy chest. It is very big and holds all of her small toys. I don't think she likes it much since she can't get inside of it like she was doing with her baskets. And that's the reason for the new toy chest. The wicker baskets we had holding her toys, Emery learned to climb into them and sit in them...hence breaking them up! I kept finding pieces of wood in the living room.
Emery loves to blow kisses and give kisses...now they are open mouth and full of drool, but still its the cutest thing ever. She is using some signs but has yet to use them for asking for anything except MORE. Last week at Story Time she learned the song, When we get together using signs for Friend, Together and Happier, she has since only hummed the song and used the together sign. But hey at least she got one thing!
She is still a T'tot. Growing slowly. Size clothes are still 6-9 months. There are few 12 months that she can wear but they are a little big! She does have a big booty though and has learned to reach her hand around when you ask her "where is your booty?" LOL!
Emery can point out her nose, toes, tummy, booty, hands, head, hair, eyes, mouth, teeth, ears and tongue. She can give Pretty eyes on command and will occiassional smile if you ask her too. But she will also strangely put her hands on the sides of her head as if to "pose" when you say SMILE! She knows Sammy the dog but will tell him "ba dagh" (bad dog) and "ge ge" (get get). She will also blow (aka spit) when you say Blow Em Blow. She can pick out flash cards for Duck, Tiger and Hat. She can make animal sounds for Tigers, Ducks, Cows, Alligators, Dogs. We are working on Cat and Elephants and Monkeys.
Emery loves to babble. She just talks in this language that we cannot figure out. Sometimes we can make out a word, but for the most part its her. And she is serious. She has something to say, she points and babbles and taps her hands down and opens her eyes big and wide. Love it, its adorabale and we caught some on video the other day.
Emery loves being outside and getting dirty. She is very rough and throws things around. She loves playing in her water table and making her little people swim. We cannot wait for the heat of summer to take her to the pool and I can teach her to swim! She ADORES swinging and we are working on the sign for swing, She will point at her swing or ours and sign more over and over. And when you take her out and put her down she cries and whines because she wants to be in it again! Emery likes to work in the garden with Daddy. Mostly becuase its dirty! He is teaching her all about worms and grubs and plants! She tries to eat them so we let her pick the herbs and gnaw on them.
13 months already. In May we are taking her to the Beach for the first time. I cannot wait to see her reaction to the sand and the big "pool"! And then Disney World in Jan! So much to see and do, so much to learn...we love our little miracle!

A STEP!

I just had to post...Emery just took a step! On her own. She let go of the couch and took a step to the other part of the couch! Oh my Lord! Thank you! I can't believe it.