So I am on day 6 of the Lupron shots. Afternoon headaches...check, mood swings and anger...check, hunger at all hours...check, dreading the thought of daily shots...Double CHECK!
All of this is going to be worth it in the end when we have a baby of our own. I just keep biting my hand (yes I bite my hand when the Mr. is injecting me) and moaning in pain for us to have this baby. Of course all of this goes along with the praying, the begging, the crying and the depression. I am trying my very best to keep up beat. We keep planing trips, planing fun times, going out with friends, laughing and trying not to let my mood swings anger either of us. (Thank you God for such a wonderful Husband, he really is great through all of this).
As for the anger part, man I'd like to say I like this, I feel like a tough girl all of a sudden. But I really don't. I don't like the feeling of wanting to hit or yell at everyone all the time. I really wish this part would go away.
I called Dr. BabyMaker's office today because I couldn't remember if I was suppose to call when I started my cycle or not. Nurse says, no no you are fine just come see us in 10 days. Its weird ya know...not seeing them every few days. I know we will get back to that again, but I feel like I am left in a waiting room for an appointment that was suppose to happen hours ago...forgotten about.
All I can think about is, will this work? Can this work? Will this finally be our turn? Can I suddenly be like the rest of my friends and be happy again? Will a baby actually come out of this? Is this all worth it?
Still knowing (me, the ye of little faith) that faith as small as a mustard see can move mountains.
I am trying hard hard to have faith bigger than that mustard seed, trying to see the positives in everything and most of all trying to love a body that just won't cooperate.
Come on body, prepare for the impending egg growth, hatching and incubating.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Day 1
Tonight is the 1st shot of Lupron. While I am use to the shots (even though I am still scared) I am very nervous as I haven't done this particular one yet and am not sure how I will react.
So here we go..on our IVF journey...
Life's journey is long. You better take snacks.
So here we go..on our IVF journey...
Life's journey is long. You better take snacks.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Schedule set...well kind of, maybe!?!?!
1st baseline blood work came back normal I guess, they didn't tell me what they were looking for and they didn't say what came back. Just here is a sort of possible schedule and here we go.
Start Lupron injections on Thur, you may sort of show a cycle you may not...humm that's weird.
Take those nightly until June 10th...then come in for more blood work (damn vampires and their vein punctures). We will tell you to continue the injections Lupron till June 11th...the very next day. Then 06/11 come in for a sonogram of those egg holders, ok and what are you looking for at that time? Humm. I really need to learn to ask more questions. Its so hard when they are talking to you on the phone and you aren't prepared. I think thats why when I go in the next time I have a million questions and then they send me to the Big Baby Maker Dr and not just the nurse.
Speaking of..why do I always see a nurse or a tech and not the person we are paying the big bucks too?
Then on June 12 we start the stimulation drugs, but do we keep taking the Lupron? Humm another question. Back to the drugs I know we are taking at this time is the Menopur and Follistim. These are going to make all those beautiful Folllicles produce nice big ripe eggs. And hoping for lots of them. Yeah yeah they say I probably won't make alot with my condition, but I have faith there is going to be lots of them! Every other day in the lab for sonograms to watch those eggs grow. Bigger and bigger until ... day of Ovidrel AKA the big O...for make me ovulate those eggs...this is where I finally hatch!
This should be the (this is where is gets to the well kind of, maybe part) week of June 21stish. Course they can't tell me exact dates yet cause it all depends on how fast the follies grow and how I respond to the meds and yada yada yada.
Boy this is complicated.
We've started on our journey...we are on our way...praying for a baby or two.
My Mom gave me this necklace that is a mustard seed in a glass ball. It was her's in the 70s and my whole life I always wanted. She gave it to me at Christmas this past year and I love it. I find I am wearing it ever day to remind me...
"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Start Lupron injections on Thur, you may sort of show a cycle you may not...humm that's weird.
Take those nightly until June 10th...then come in for more blood work (damn vampires and their vein punctures). We will tell you to continue the injections Lupron till June 11th...the very next day. Then 06/11 come in for a sonogram of those egg holders, ok and what are you looking for at that time? Humm. I really need to learn to ask more questions. Its so hard when they are talking to you on the phone and you aren't prepared. I think thats why when I go in the next time I have a million questions and then they send me to the Big Baby Maker Dr and not just the nurse.
Speaking of..why do I always see a nurse or a tech and not the person we are paying the big bucks too?
Then on June 12 we start the stimulation drugs, but do we keep taking the Lupron? Humm another question. Back to the drugs I know we are taking at this time is the Menopur and Follistim. These are going to make all those beautiful Folllicles produce nice big ripe eggs. And hoping for lots of them. Yeah yeah they say I probably won't make alot with my condition, but I have faith there is going to be lots of them! Every other day in the lab for sonograms to watch those eggs grow. Bigger and bigger until ... day of Ovidrel AKA the big O...for make me ovulate those eggs...this is where I finally hatch!
This should be the (this is where is gets to the well kind of, maybe part) week of June 21stish. Course they can't tell me exact dates yet cause it all depends on how fast the follies grow and how I respond to the meds and yada yada yada.
Boy this is complicated.
We've started on our journey...we are on our way...praying for a baby or two.
My Mom gave me this necklace that is a mustard seed in a glass ball. It was her's in the 70s and my whole life I always wanted. She gave it to me at Christmas this past year and I love it. I find I am wearing it ever day to remind me...
"He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move.
Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20
Friday, May 21, 2010
The BOX has arrived
On Tuesday the Big Box of wonders arrived. That's right the box of IVF mediciations. Its so great to get a big ole box and wonder what could be inside and why its cold. Then you open it and its full of needles and injections and a Sharps container.
So into the fridge goes the cold medicine (takes up the bottom part of the fridge), off to the drawer goes the room temp meds, and put the needles and sharps trash box into the bathroom.
After looking at it all I started to realize that (doh) I am going to be a pin cushion for the next 20 plus days. I wonder if I am going to swell up like some other women have. I really hope I don't, but at this point anything to have a baby or two!
One small mistake though they sent the wrong progerstorone medicine, but the Dr. office is going to fix that all up for us...thank goodness, cause really who wants to continue to have injections AFTER the transfer? I mean I'd rather just stick a pill up in my Who-Ha and deal with the mess then inject more drugs into the muscle of my leg. Ahhh!
So here it goes...May 24, 2010 (our 2 year anniversary) I go Dr. BabyMaker and get my protocal for our IVF. Hoping for no signs of cysts, great low FSH and good looking egg producers!
Come on Baby (or babies)
So into the fridge goes the cold medicine (takes up the bottom part of the fridge), off to the drawer goes the room temp meds, and put the needles and sharps trash box into the bathroom.
After looking at it all I started to realize that (doh) I am going to be a pin cushion for the next 20 plus days. I wonder if I am going to swell up like some other women have. I really hope I don't, but at this point anything to have a baby or two!
One small mistake though they sent the wrong progerstorone medicine, but the Dr. office is going to fix that all up for us...thank goodness, cause really who wants to continue to have injections AFTER the transfer? I mean I'd rather just stick a pill up in my Who-Ha and deal with the mess then inject more drugs into the muscle of my leg. Ahhh!
So here it goes...May 24, 2010 (our 2 year anniversary) I go Dr. BabyMaker and get my protocal for our IVF. Hoping for no signs of cysts, great low FSH and good looking egg producers!
Come on Baby (or babies)
Thursday, May 13, 2010
IVF class recap
Well the IVF class was interesting, informative and scary! I mean I did all the research, I understand the risks, but seeing everything there and being told straight from the Dr.'s mouth was alot to digest.
The class started late, I hate being late and cannot stand things starting late its a huge pet peeve of mine, so we were behind to begin with which made me anxious. There was about 20 couples in this class (wholly cow those Drs are making some mooola!) Some were older than us but most were near our age group. It kind of made me feel slightly better to know I am not the only one who is "weird" in the baby making department. So this nurse (a male nurse) comes in and takes through a bunch of slides and pictures and tells us all the steps that go into making a baby in a dish. Then he goes on to tell us about the big long hollow needle that will penetrate me and suck my follicles out. Ummm...ouch, yes yes I'll be asleep but I can just imagine what my body is going to go thru. But hey I get a day of bed rest after that one. Then five days of people watching my eggs grow into blycosts (aka babies, maybe) and then boom they are put back in me to allow Mother Nature to hopefully do her job and allow them to grow.
I am scared, nervous, excited, moody and just plain feeling weird. I am not a needle person, so the past few months of injections have not been a good time for me...I am sure my hubby enjoys stabbing me though, probaly gets some of his vented up anger out.
I am mostly just ready for this to be over. Yep instant gratification girl here! I just want to know if its going to work or not. (its going to work, it has to work)
Afterwards we went down to the ARTS center (not the cool kind where there is paintings and photos and randomly strange sculptures. Its the Assisted reproductive something or the other) and signed up for IVF protocol.
Here to hoping that it all falls into place. Our first baseline appointment is May 24, our two year wedding anniversary (a possible sign?). There we will get our ducks in a row and find out about our meds schedule. (oh another sign..meds being delivered on Mr's Birthday?)
Afterwards the Mr and I went to a great Seafood Restaurant in a little town nearby. It so reminded me of a place called Fitzgerald's in New Orleans that was on the lake when I was a kid. I loved that place and this place really made us feel like we were home. Good find! The General Manager came over because he didn't recognize us and gave us a key lime pie on the house and asked us to come back. What a cute place, we were the youngest people there, but the waiters new everyone seated and what they liked to drink and eat. LOVE LOVE and cannot wait to go back. I even had two glasses of red red wine...Mr was laughing at me cause I never drink that much.
So in the end, here it is...still too early to do anything but wait. I am trying to have some patience. Going to Yoga. And living life as it comes. Oh and trying not to stress out at work, easier said than done.
The class started late, I hate being late and cannot stand things starting late its a huge pet peeve of mine, so we were behind to begin with which made me anxious. There was about 20 couples in this class (wholly cow those Drs are making some mooola!) Some were older than us but most were near our age group. It kind of made me feel slightly better to know I am not the only one who is "weird" in the baby making department. So this nurse (a male nurse) comes in and takes through a bunch of slides and pictures and tells us all the steps that go into making a baby in a dish. Then he goes on to tell us about the big long hollow needle that will penetrate me and suck my follicles out. Ummm...ouch, yes yes I'll be asleep but I can just imagine what my body is going to go thru. But hey I get a day of bed rest after that one. Then five days of people watching my eggs grow into blycosts (aka babies, maybe) and then boom they are put back in me to allow Mother Nature to hopefully do her job and allow them to grow.
I am scared, nervous, excited, moody and just plain feeling weird. I am not a needle person, so the past few months of injections have not been a good time for me...I am sure my hubby enjoys stabbing me though, probaly gets some of his vented up anger out.
I am mostly just ready for this to be over. Yep instant gratification girl here! I just want to know if its going to work or not. (its going to work, it has to work)
Afterwards we went down to the ARTS center (not the cool kind where there is paintings and photos and randomly strange sculptures. Its the Assisted reproductive something or the other) and signed up for IVF protocol.
Here to hoping that it all falls into place. Our first baseline appointment is May 24, our two year wedding anniversary (a possible sign?). There we will get our ducks in a row and find out about our meds schedule. (oh another sign..meds being delivered on Mr's Birthday?)
Afterwards the Mr and I went to a great Seafood Restaurant in a little town nearby. It so reminded me of a place called Fitzgerald's in New Orleans that was on the lake when I was a kid. I loved that place and this place really made us feel like we were home. Good find! The General Manager came over because he didn't recognize us and gave us a key lime pie on the house and asked us to come back. What a cute place, we were the youngest people there, but the waiters new everyone seated and what they liked to drink and eat. LOVE LOVE and cannot wait to go back. I even had two glasses of red red wine...Mr was laughing at me cause I never drink that much.
So in the end, here it is...still too early to do anything but wait. I am trying to have some patience. Going to Yoga. And living life as it comes. Oh and trying not to stress out at work, easier said than done.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Training Class for IVF
Todays the big day...well not an overly big day but I guess its the day to make the final decision if we are going thru with IVF or not. We are going to take a class and complete all kinds of paperwork to make sure we really really want to go through with it. I am kinda at the point where I just want to do it and get it over with. Is that wrong? I am such an instant gratification kind of girl. I just want it to work or not to work so we can move on. I feel like I've been on a permanent pause mode while waiting for a baby for the past two years.
So here we go, off to class to learn all about what they are going to do to my body to make us have a baby. (I really really am so ready to be pregnant)
I can't wait to see what they show us and what they teach us, I hope it will be full of pictures and explanations and not just everything that I've already researched. And I pray my weird O body will take to these treatments and give us what we want most of all in our life...a baby.
I wonder why I am so nervous? Its not like I am going to the principles office or anything.
So here we go, off to class to learn all about what they are going to do to my body to make us have a baby. (I really really am so ready to be pregnant)
I can't wait to see what they show us and what they teach us, I hope it will be full of pictures and explanations and not just everything that I've already researched. And I pray my weird O body will take to these treatments and give us what we want most of all in our life...a baby.
I wonder why I am so nervous? Its not like I am going to the principles office or anything.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Grin and Bear it
There are some days in my industry that you just have to smile even though you want to smack someone. Today is one of those days. Or should I say...most days!
I will never for the life of me understand why people feel the need to stress you out over something you really have no control over. These same people are ones that when you are trying to rush tell you to slow down cause they can't keep up. Until it comes to them.
So much for work. I am super tired from this totally random stomach bug I had this weekend.
Literally took me down in less than 30 mins, I went from working outside to not being able to get out of the bed. It lasted about 20 hours. Then I was fine. Ready to go. And thank goodness for my hubby. He totally did a great job of taking care of me and understanding when I just needed to be left alone.
Sunday Funday, we went to a little town close by and went shopping. We really don't need to be shopping right now with IVF right around the corner. Everytimg I think about money my stomach turns into knots. Really hope this time something works. IVF just has to be the way to us getting a baby. It just has to be...right?
I will never for the life of me understand why people feel the need to stress you out over something you really have no control over. These same people are ones that when you are trying to rush tell you to slow down cause they can't keep up. Until it comes to them.
So much for work. I am super tired from this totally random stomach bug I had this weekend.
Literally took me down in less than 30 mins, I went from working outside to not being able to get out of the bed. It lasted about 20 hours. Then I was fine. Ready to go. And thank goodness for my hubby. He totally did a great job of taking care of me and understanding when I just needed to be left alone.
Sunday Funday, we went to a little town close by and went shopping. We really don't need to be shopping right now with IVF right around the corner. Everytimg I think about money my stomach turns into knots. Really hope this time something works. IVF just has to be the way to us getting a baby. It just has to be...right?
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
I've abandoned my blog
Yes I am back. I need to write and let out harsh feelings and moments of happyness (yes like the movie).
So where I left off. We have moved from our beloved Louisiana to North Texas. We lived in a small apartment for nearly six months before finally deciding on a city to live in and then after searching hundreds of homes, finally buying and settling in to our new house!
In this time I found another position in the mortgage world, gah the stress but thanks for the money! So here we are...living life as it comes, in Texas.
Also on to more baby making news...well the diagnosis is, PCOS and High FSH. For those of you who don't know but care to know, I am borderline Infertile. We've tried everything you can think of short of IVF, which ta-da, is our current situation. PCOS is Poly cystic Overian Syndrome, and High FSH is that my body is giving off alot of Follicle Stimulating Hormone when it shouldn't and this signifies a possible Overian Reserve Issue or Small amounts of eggs left and probally not great quality ones either.
IVF, scary, who would think we'd be here already? We ordered the drugs today...that cost made me spit out my water. But hey in the end its going to be worth it right? To have a baby or two to call our very own. I guess if we have to spend the money on something this will be worth it the most.
So there it is in shortness...I hope to return to my writing and my blog and to whomever is reading...even if it is only me.
So where I left off. We have moved from our beloved Louisiana to North Texas. We lived in a small apartment for nearly six months before finally deciding on a city to live in and then after searching hundreds of homes, finally buying and settling in to our new house!
In this time I found another position in the mortgage world, gah the stress but thanks for the money! So here we are...living life as it comes, in Texas.
Also on to more baby making news...well the diagnosis is, PCOS and High FSH. For those of you who don't know but care to know, I am borderline Infertile. We've tried everything you can think of short of IVF, which ta-da, is our current situation. PCOS is Poly cystic Overian Syndrome, and High FSH is that my body is giving off alot of Follicle Stimulating Hormone when it shouldn't and this signifies a possible Overian Reserve Issue or Small amounts of eggs left and probally not great quality ones either.
IVF, scary, who would think we'd be here already? We ordered the drugs today...that cost made me spit out my water. But hey in the end its going to be worth it right? To have a baby or two to call our very own. I guess if we have to spend the money on something this will be worth it the most.
So there it is in shortness...I hope to return to my writing and my blog and to whomever is reading...even if it is only me.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Our Wonderful Relocation and Moving
So I hear a few months ago that my Darlin' Hubby's company is relocating us to Dallas, Tx. What you say? A New Orleans native and a small town Louisiana country cajun boy moving to the big ole city of Dallas? Yep that's us. Yet another change in our little family.
Its going to be great I can see it now....close to Six Flags ( I love roller coasters), close to fantastic shopping, big houses, big city...I am ready.
What I am not ready for is the packing! LOL...going into our attic is going to be a trip back in time to when we bought our house and put all our "single" stuff up there and started the house as our "together" place. I sure hope the movers are ready for us. We've got lots of stuff. Everyone keeps saying, sell what you don't use. Thing is, we use it, just at different times of the year. Well except for that air walker machine that has become a dust magnet and jeans holder. Maybe we will sell that.
But what about the pirogue? I mean this Dallas city, its got to have water right? And crawfish?
Here we go...its getting close. January is right around the corner and we are coming to the Big State of Texas.
Its going to be great I can see it now....close to Six Flags ( I love roller coasters), close to fantastic shopping, big houses, big city...I am ready.
What I am not ready for is the packing! LOL...going into our attic is going to be a trip back in time to when we bought our house and put all our "single" stuff up there and started the house as our "together" place. I sure hope the movers are ready for us. We've got lots of stuff. Everyone keeps saying, sell what you don't use. Thing is, we use it, just at different times of the year. Well except for that air walker machine that has become a dust magnet and jeans holder. Maybe we will sell that.
But what about the pirogue? I mean this Dallas city, its got to have water right? And crawfish?
Here we go...its getting close. January is right around the corner and we are coming to the Big State of Texas.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
NKOTB...Yes Dorky
So a bunch of my friends and I are gearing up for the upcoming New Kids on the Block concert. I've realized since I really started getting into the mood for this, that I am a dork, I still shake like a 12 year old when I see them on TV, I still know all the words to all the songs and am loving thier new music and yes I am still a dork and an old one at that.
Who would have thought 20 years later I would still be a NKOTB fan and would appreciate so much going to their shows when I was 12 just to be able to say in my 30s I was there when they came out and now I am back.
I am telling you I am going to scream my head off and probaly cry. My two young teenage nieces are joining us and are already making fun of their Mother and I for liking them so much. We've both been listening to the songs and reading up on their show just so we are ready. Plotting and planning on how to find their hotel and maybe look for them when we go out downtown after the show. Oh how wonderful would it be to see them and meet them.
Yes yes yes...I am a dork!
Who would have thought 20 years later I would still be a NKOTB fan and would appreciate so much going to their shows when I was 12 just to be able to say in my 30s I was there when they came out and now I am back.
I am telling you I am going to scream my head off and probaly cry. My two young teenage nieces are joining us and are already making fun of their Mother and I for liking them so much. We've both been listening to the songs and reading up on their show just so we are ready. Plotting and planning on how to find their hotel and maybe look for them when we go out downtown after the show. Oh how wonderful would it be to see them and meet them.
Yes yes yes...I am a dork!
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